.
“Overall, the main thing that we want to make sure we’re doing as parents and whānau is to… let our young people know that we love them and that we’re there for them, whatever their results.”
My teen is upset with their results, what do I say?
Let them have the space to be upset or disappointed, Marsden says, “because they may have put a lot of effort into study and prep for their exams and, if that is the case, that is what we need to praise rather than what the results are”.
As they process their initial reaction, Eketone advises whānau simply listen and not jump into ‘I told you so’ lectures or feel they need to fix it.
If they’re getting hammered with questions from their friends about results, encourage them to reflect on whether it’s worth sharing, regardless of whether it’s a high or low grade, she says.
Marsden suggests you can tell them you’d prefer not to talk about it or be vague.
“It’s also really important, I think in general, not to compare,” she says. “I mean, we all have our strengths, you know, we all have subjects that we do better in than others.”
My teen says they don’t care – should I be concerned?
This can be a red flag for burying feelings of guilt or sadness, Eketone warns.
“I think we really want to not jump at our kids’ first or our teen’s first reaction but understand that often below the ‘I don’t care’ sits a whole lot of softer emotions that could be disappointment. It could be sadness. It could be worry.
“As their parent, we want to kind of get past that ‘I don’t care’ to those softer emotions and kind of get alongside them with those.”
When you want to provide moral support, look outside the box of academic achievements too, Eketone says.
“I’ve got one theatre-mad year 10 this year and a hip-hop dancer who’s in year 12 and their creative passions are what keep them going to school. I am quite excited for another year of those things alongside ticking the boxes of the academic world.”
Expert help is also available from school guidance counsellors, Youthline or, for major health concerns, talk to your GP.
When and how should we start talking about options?
Eketone says it can be tricky to know when to tackle a talk about plan B with your teenager, but giving them the day to reflect on it would be the bare minimum.
“If we can allow teens that day, often what happens is they’ll come to a solution on their own and then we walk alongside them with it.
“I just spoke to a colleague this morning and she said, ‘Oh yeah, my daughter’s waiting for [Wednesday] and she’s already determined that probably she’s not doing well, but she’s already inquired about summer school’, and I think that shows me great insight on that teen’s part that, ‘hey, if I don’t do well, there is another option’, and we shut that down when we launch into our big lectures of ‘I told you so’.”
Eketone says manage your expectations, too. When making plans, ask yourself if you’re putting pressure on your teen or serving your own desires.
Marsden reminds teens that tertiary study does not have to happen after year 13, or even at all for some who choose other pathways.
“They can have a number of years doing gap years, getting work experience, doing something else.
“There are many other ways these days that our young people can reach the goals that they want to achieve and create a life for themselves that doesn’t necessarily have to involve academic study after they finish school.”
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I’ve missed NCEA credits – what can I do now?
Other than asking for a review or reconsideration of your results, you can talk to a teacher or student adviser about the possibility of earning missing NCEA level 1 or 2 credits while studying at a higher level.
Tertiary providers have foundation or certificate courses which can help you to gain credits before reapplying for the degree you want.
Te Kura Summer School
You may be eligible for special entry to tertiary study if you’re over 20 years old or discretionary entrance if you’re under 20.
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