Source: Te Herenga Waka—Victoria University of Wellington
7 September 2026
New research exploring how people cope when a family member chooses assisted dying highlights the “roller coaster” of emotions often experienced.
“Family members we interviewed talked about feeling everything from anger, guilt, and sadness through to pride that the person had died on their own terms and relief the suffering was offered,” said lead researcher Dr Jessica Young from the School of Health at Te Herenga Waka—Victoria University of Wellington.
The study, which involved interviews with 30 family members of people who had sought assisted dying, looked at how families experienced grief in the time leading up to the death and afterwards. Assisted dying became legal in New Zealand on 7 November 2021 under the End of Life Choice Act.
“People who choose assisted dying must decide the date of their death in advance, although they can always change their minds. For family members, knowing there’s a set date can heighten the sense of impending loss. You’re grieving while the person is still alive,” said Dr Young.
However, family members also said that supporting a relative through the assisted dying process could strengthen relationships and helped them make the most of the time left. Many said it gave them a sense they were doing something meaningful for the person.
“Like any death, an assisted death can be an emotionally exhausting experience. There is no “right’ way to feel or respond. People go through a range of emotions and it won’t be exactly the same for everyone,” she said.
One research participant, Margaret Tennant, supported her husband Warwick through assisted dying in 2024 after he was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. The cancer wasn’t found until it was too late to treat.
“I think in our modern age we’re utterly clueless about grief and particularly the grief of losing a close partner,” said Margaret.
Initially, Warwick didn’t think he’d need assisted dying, but as he got sicker and the pain got worse it became clear he would, she said.
“One good thing was that because we had a time and a day, it meant that we were able to be there and focused on him. The worst part came afterwards. There’s something very distinct about the grief that comes with losing a partner. It’s quite different from losing a parent, I found.”
Margaret says she feels grateful Warwick was able to die on his own terms. “Whenever I think about it now, I look back to that sunny day in our bedroom, him in my arms, and there was sunlight and family around the bed.”
Margaret’s story features in a new five-part podcast series produced by the research team. The series explores how the assisted dying process is working and includes interviews with assisted dying researchers and medical practitioners. The podcast can be listened to on Spotify here (https://open.spotify.com/show/033n7UqnswFwvXygVe3UOr).
The team has also produced three written resources, answering questions that people may have about assisted dying. These resources are:
- Thinking it through (https://www.wgtn.ac.nz/assisted-dying/current-projects/thinking-it-through-14-jessica-young-assisted-dying-research-network.pdf): information about assisted dying for adults with terminal illness
- Grieving the chosen death (https://www.wgtn.ac.nz/assisted-dying/current-projects/exploring-the-early-experiences-of-the-assisted-dying-service-in-aotearoa/assisted-dying-grief-support-resource-jessica-young-assisted-dying-research-network.pdf): information for family members about dealing with grief
- Whānau and Māori community assisted dying kōrero guide (https://www.wgtn.ac.nz/assisted-dying/current-projects/whanau-and-maori-community-assisted-dying-korero-guide.pdf).
The podcast and resources have been developed drawing on about 100 interviews with patients, their families, assisted dying providers, other healthcare providers, and Māori community members.
During Dying Matters week (7-13 September 2026), Dr Young and her colleagues will be running a webinar to discuss their research and answer questions about their findings. The webinar takes place 12.30–1.30 pm, 9 September 2026. Details of the event are available here (https://gowithgrace.nz/product/conversations-stories-and-resources-on-assisted-dying/).
Dr Young’s research was funded by the Health Research Council of New Zealand.
Notes
In the year to 31 March 2026, Ministry of Health data (https://www.health.govt.nz/system/files/2026-07/registrar-assisted-dying-annual-report-minister-health-2026.pdf) show 486 people had an assisted death. To be eligible for assisted dying, a person must be:
- aged 18 years or over
- a citizen or permanent resident of New Zealand
- suffering from a terminal illness that is likely to end their life within six months
- in an advanced state of irreversible decline in physical capability
- experiencing unbearable suffering that cannot be relieved in a manner that the person considers tolerable
- competent to make an informed decision about assisted dying.