Post sponsored by

Source: Taxpayers Union

Your stupendous yet humble New Zealand Taxpayers’ Union has obtained copies of Members of Parliament’s election diaries. We requested them under the Official Information Act from new MPs, who apparently do not know that the OIA does not apply to them. Stuart Smith answered because he was desperate to talk to someone… even us apparently.
Hon David Seymour was not asked for his diaries but sent them to us irregardless. We got two emails, a signed bound hard copy of his diary, 14 autographed copies of his book “Own your Future: A David Seymour Story”, 4 signed glossy photographs, and a pallet of bumper stickers promoting his new website
Anna Lorck, Labour List MP
9:41Arrive at first caucus meeting early. Only a few people here – they also look new and nervous.
9:42We exchange socially distanced nods.
10:10A polite gentleman called Matt Doocey informs me that this is the National Party Caucus Room.
10:11On the walk of shame down the wrong corridor, I overhear a staff member saying they had to use Google Images to figure out who I actually was.
10:30Arrive at Labour Caucus Room. Told curtly I am late and that I should put the coffee and muffins on the corner table.
Maureen Pugh, National List MP (correct at time of writing)
Election Day:I’m in!
Election Night:I’m out (again…)
Specials:I’m in (again)!
Note to self:Send cards to Matt King and Denise Lee who have lost their seats. Do not use any smiley emojis. Organise party. Bound to have some invites, banners, and plastic cups from the last two elections (never used).
Chris Luxon, National MP for Botany
7:01First act as a new MP is to lodge an indignant complaint to the Electoral Commission that I was not directly elected to Prime Minister. Sir John Key definitely implied it was inevitable.
8:01Quick reply from Electoral Commission saying that being elected to Prime Minister is constitutionally and historically impossible, particularly from Opposition.
8:05Archive my “What I will achieve in the first 100 days as your Prime Minister” document. What a shame. I had just finished colouring it in.
8:10Begin revising my three-year plan starting with “write a stern letter to Sir John”, “get a much bigger office”, and “find out what my portfolios are… better not be Statistics.”
Chloe Swarbrick, Green MP for Auckland Central
Election Night  
9:00pmI’m running to boost the Green vote.
10:00pmI’m running to boost the Green vote.
Next Day             
1:00amOh my god (if she exists which she doesn’t), I’m an electorate MP! Just as I always planned.
9:00amI have 1,274 emails and 47 phone messages from locals wanting me to do stuff for them – for nothing! Seriously, this must be why Green MPs never want to win an electorate.
12:15pmMarama Davidson (who is not an electorate MP I should note) s